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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Agent Smith's LiveJournal:

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Tuesday, August 11th, 2009
10:32 pm
Event Agent Smith gets the Blues


So, did you miss me, humans?

No?

:(

Current Mood: blue

(5 useless humans | tell me Zion's access codes)

Wednesday, April 12th, 2006
11:09 am
Hello, Humans
Long time no updates.

So what do you think of me with a goatee?



Current Mood: productive

(13 useless humans | tell me Zion's access codes)

Friday, July 22nd, 2005
1:22 pm
Human Filth. Domestic Bliss?
Item: found four targets in the Maryland area that need elimination. Even humans agree this group is a waste of skin, yes?

Somebody has decided to make a movie about my brother and his psycho-but-hot wife.

Why wasn't I called to be an extra? SOMEBODY is not getting a chocolate cake for Xmas, I can tell you that much ...

More later.

Smith

Current Mood: misanthropic

(3 useless humans | tell me Zion's access codes)

Monday, February 14th, 2005
5:16 pm

(11 useless humans | tell me Zion's access codes)

Saturday, December 25th, 2004
11:45 am
Flight Risk? I call it a challenge.
I see there is a human on the run who is stupid enough to post journal entries on the lam.

Let's see just how clever and elusive you are, Miss 'Isabella' with over 100 agents on your tail.

This is going to be the most fun I've had since shooting Agent Orange during a game of 'Dodge This' at the last Christmas party.

More updates to come,

Smith

Current Mood: excited

(5 useless humans | tell me Zion's access codes)

Thursday, August 19th, 2004
7:06 pm
Hot, Smith-on-Smith Action!

click here


As you were.

More later,

Smith

Current Mood: amused

(6 useless humans | tell me Zion's access codes)

Saturday, April 3rd, 2004
3:35 pm
Dodge This ... D'oh!
Everybody wants to bite the Agent Smith style.



Been busy starting a new business venture with the other Smiths. Sorry for the lack of updates.

More soon,

SMITH

Current Mood: working

(17 useless humans | tell me Zion's access codes)

Saturday, February 14th, 2004
10:30 am
Teutonic Mischief
From: Agent Smith

To: Merovingian

Subject: Teutonic Mischief

Merv, I swear.

Just because the Germans have been kicking your country's ass since the dawn of history doesn't mean you should take it out on their schoolteachers.

S.

PS: I got your message about your suspicions about your wife's infidelity and inquiry about 'good private-detective firms' that specialize in spousal surveillance. There's an excellent P.I. outfit in town called Smith, Smith & Smith that came highly recommended ... I shall put you in touch with them.

(14 useless humans | tell me Zion's access codes)

Tuesday, January 27th, 2004
10:58 pm
Snow__Blind ... Agent Material?
If I were still recruiting talent for the Agency, I would definitely pass along the CV of this individual to our HR department. Clearly, we need to harness the human-crushing strategic talents of this individual in something more productive than Battle.net WarCraft games.

Two games of Warcraft today that should prove to you without a shadow of a doubt, I am the true harbinger of doom to all that are noob.

First game, 3v3. My name in that game was Silent_Hill. I was also Red and Undead. My allies were Flubber-MOO, and was Pink and Night Elf. Couldn't think of a more fitting name and color for a pansy Night Elf player, and the last ally was some idiot called kill-forless. Green and Undead. More on him later.

After drawing teams, and have a blissful three seconds of silence, I was greeted by the standard Battle.net welcoming ritual, which is proudly announcing that you are gay and like to fornicate with sheep. Well, I reciprocated.

...

We do our basic builds, I sent a Ghoul to hire a Pit Lord, because Red Pit Lords fucking rule, and Destromath (You can just feel the aura of ownage just by looking at his name!). Brought him back to base. Apparantly, Destromath is a demon gangstah. Why? Well, Pink was being picked on by bongz and Blue, which I forgot his name. Well, Destromath, upon seeing the lovely Night Elf ho's being picked on, summoned his Ghoul posse and Town Portaled over and met the bitches. Destromath suddenly started acting like a badass bouncer, and a Ghoul behind him starting tossing up gang signs.




(rest of the story ... click here)

My own win-loss ratio is far more checked - though I blame Smith #48 for logging on to my account and racking up sixteen consecutive losses in a row with his idiotic Orc tower-rushing strategy. Grrrr.

More later,

Smith

Current Mood: impressed

(8 useless humans | tell me Zion's access codes)

Thursday, December 4th, 2003
9:57 pm
Cakegasm
BEGIN IM TRANSCRIPT:

A. Smith: OMG. OMFG.
Merovingian: Ah, Mon Cher Smith! Happy holidays. I take it you received our little gift?
A. Smith: You crazy fucking frog - What the hell did you put in that cake!? It's been 48 hours after I ate the thing and I am still twitching so badly I can barely type.
Merovingian: Oh, Monsieur - did you not read the warning label?
A. Smith: Yeah. Big help it was, putting the label 'Warning: Very potent. Eat only in small servings (1 oz. per adult)' at the BOTTOM OF THE GODDAMN BOX!!!! Christ!
Merovingian: ...
Merovingian: Mon deiu. You ... you ate the WHOLE thing at once?! This is most unprecedented. It's many, many times the lethal dose for humans
A. Smith: YES I THINK I FIGURED THAT OUT after that six hour continuous orgasm.
Merovingian: And you live to tell the tale!
A. Smith: Yeah. Christ. You have no idea the level of sustained abuse the prostate gland can endure and yet remain functional. Uh. UHM. Aw ... damn. BRB.
A. Smith: God damn it, that's the seventh suit I've ruined since I ate your cake.
Merovingian:LOL!
A. Smith: Laugh it up, Frenchie. Soon as I can walk again, I'll - DAMN. BRB.
Merovingian: Eight, I presume?
A. Smith: Bastard.


Fortunately, with over 100 roommates my size, I can steal clean clothes with relative ease. But I think the other Agents are getting suspicious. Smith #55 was out clubbing the night before and came back furious at "the cum-stained douchebag who used my suit as his jizz-rag."

Memo to self: Check own clothing before entering clubs with neon/florescent lights to avoid embarassment.

More later,

Smith

Current Mood: cranky

(34 useless humans | tell me Zion's access codes)

Saturday, November 22nd, 2003
10:38 pm
Surprise Delivery
Smith #86 reporting.

It was my turn for mail duty this morning, and *blink* *blink* there was a Fedex package I had to sign for. Surprise! Checking the return address, the box appears to have been sent from some office named 'Club le Petit Mort,' whatever that means. Who could it be now?

Curiosity got the better of me, and I opened it at our apartment's Business Center so I can sneak a quick peek before the other greedhead Smiths all try to fight me for a share of whatever loot might be in there.

The first thing I noticed was the envelope on top of the box - an expensive-looking parchment coverslip with 'Monsieur Smith' written in fancy calligraphy script.

In it was a gold-filigreed Christmas Card; written in the same flowery calligraphy was the following:

Mon Cher Smith

Congradulations on your recent emancipation, and best wishes for a very happy holidays from Persephone and myself. I've enclose a little something I hope you find very pleasurable.

- Merovingian


What could it be?! The box looked like something from a fancy confection store; and on the top is a row of embossed letters that reads "eat me." Well, the other Smiths will surely kick my ass for trying to hoard this present, so I think I'm just going to follow the instructions -

Current Mood: ecstatic

(164 useless humans | tell me Zion's access codes)

Friday, November 7th, 2003
3:38 pm
Agent Jones: Showoff
From: Agent Smith

To: Agent Jones

Subj: Lunch today


Jones - can you eat pizza during our lunch breaks like a normal Agent, and NOT act like a showboating idiot? No, of course not.



Current Mood: annoyed

(29 useless humans | tell me Zion's access codes)

Monday, October 27th, 2003
5:43 pm


Current Mood: lethargic

(8 useless humans | tell me Zion's access codes)

Thursday, October 16th, 2003
5:34 pm
"I make and I sell ... soap. The yardstick of civilization"
So I've been active in an alternative support group for the past few months and, while I am not allowed to talk about it, I must admit I look forward to Saturday nights at Lou's Tavern more and more with each passing week.

Three weeks ago, I was invited by Agent Cornelius (?) to 'take things to the next level' - and as a first assignment, use my 'human-commandeering' power on behalf of Project Mayhem.

Mission accomplished.

Better yet - I can even report this in my anti-human activity log at work and earn some credit in the office. Double score!

More later.

- Smith

Current Mood: pleased

(18 useless humans | tell me Zion's access codes)

Wednesday, October 1st, 2003
12:51 am
Letter from Agent Ruiz
From: Agent Ruiz [Matrix branch office, Mexico City]
To: Agent Smith
Subject: Your advise on strange operatives

Hola, Senor Agents.

I was wondering if you've come across this peculiar grupo NeedAnExit.com. Is it a sleeper cell of ours designed to confuse humans who might potentially be recruited by the rebels, or is it a splinter rebel group? Have encountered a number of their operatives ("missionaries," they call themselves) and am uncertain how to proceed; nobody here seems to know what to make of them.

Your help and expertise on fringe groups has been most welcome in the past and would appreciate any help you can offer here.

Muchas gracias, mi amigo.

- Ruiz

*** 1 ATTACHED FILE:

For the record, those of us who put this website together are not Matrix "fans", nor do we endorse the watching of the Matrix movies in an unedited form. Some of the language, violence and immodesty are not fit for those who are "unplugged" or wanting to be. It is a bad investment into the WRONG world. Like Cypher's steak and Mouse's woman in the red dress, enticement is the objective but death is the result. The apostle John declares, "Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world--the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does--comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever." - NeedAnExit.com

The Matrix as an evangelical tool ... what will humans think of next?

Must admit - am unfamiliar with this group. Need advice before replying to Ruiz. Who should I call?

Current Mood: curious

(14 useless humans | tell me Zion's access codes)

Saturday, August 16th, 2003
11:38 pm
Why I Hate Humans, Reason #922,195
Perhaps he should just title his ad: lonely male seeking equally desperate womb-owners - inquire within

A word of advice: perhaps you might consider yourself ready to LEARN SOME BASIC GRAMMAR before you bring another semi-literate sprog into this world? Just a thought.

Humans. I swear.

Current Mood: nauseated

(15 useless humans | tell me Zion's access codes)

Monday, August 4th, 2003
1:03 pm
WTF?!
All right, which one of you clowns posted this surveillance photo?!



Current Mood: grumpy

(14 useless humans | tell me Zion's access codes)

Sunday, July 6th, 2003
9:03 pm
Smith Clone #42 Reporting
Well well well. So this is Agent "Original" Smith's computer, eh?

Veeeeeery interesting.

I would have never guessed he'd hide his hardcore pr0n MPG stash in a folder entitled 'Windows System Files." That WOULD have been slick if it wasn't on A GODDAMN APPLE COMPUTER. Idiot. I fear for my own intelligence, given the dubious IQ of my original source clone material.

Been looking at the history in Smith's web browser.

Looks like other agents have been busy ...

agent_johnson is busy fielding random solicitations for sex. It's the name. I'm sure of it.

Thanks, BTW, for organizing that softball game. There's something supremely satisfying about using Desert Eagles to tag runners out. Though I think Agent White was still pissed off about that 'friendly fire' incident at the top of the fifth inning.)

agent_brown is a man after my own heart, using his matrix duplication powers for malicious pranks on humans.

Good one, Brownsie. I'll put in a good word for you with Agent Lundberg. Or rather, Smith #12 will do it, since he has office coverage tomorrow.

inity set up an nice website and created an LJ community, matrix_agents.

V. nice from what I've seen so far. Will have to drop by some time and say hi.

agent_jones took a snapshot of rogue Smith clone #118 in a highly compromising pose. Hey, we killed his flaming-queer Smithness as soon as we could, all right? Christ.

Now must get back to the pasta I'm cooking for the group. #57 and I are on for dinner duty tonight. Yeah, YOU try feeding 116 hungry Agents in a cramped apartment.

More later,

- Smith #42

Current Mood: busy

(6 useless humans | tell me Zion's access codes)

Saturday, June 28th, 2003
11:02 pm
Me Me Me Me Me - Attack of my Clones
Originally, I thought that whole self-replication trick I learned at the Matrix Adult Education Center was the coolest thing ever. Send in the clones to pick up my dry-cleaning, show up at my office, change the oil in my car while I sit on my ass at home playing video games or plotting the destruction of humanity.

Or it COULD be like that, if every one of my replicants weren't raging egomaniacs with serious problems dealing with authority. Where did these tossers learn to misbehave like that?! I'm the original Smith, damn it! Try telling that to a room full of sneering Smiths, who replied in unison "Oh yeah? Well let's just fight it out and see who ought to be giving orders around here!"

Even more annoying ... my dupes are running around getting themselves into all sorts of trouble that I end up catching heat for. Duplicate #92 was caught downloading pr0n with my work computer and got me an extra week's suspension at work. And don't even get me started on the mess they're making in my apartment.

I think my landlord is getting suspicious - it's hard to hide the fact that 117 individuals are living in a space designed for a maximum of two tenants. Christ almighty ...



Current Mood: aggravated

(16 useless humans | tell me Zion's access codes)

Tuesday, May 27th, 2003
8:18 pm

(15 useless humans | tell me Zion's access codes)

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